Now, I know this sounds bad but let me assure you. My mom and I have, quite possibly, the best relationship a mother and daughter can have. She is my best friend, my proudest supporter, and my strongest shoulder to lean on whenever I am feeling down. All of my friends love the relationship that my mom and I have and I wouldn’t trade her for all the money in the world.
With that being said: I love my mom; but… every day I scroll through instagram and/or facebook and I double tap random pictures. Pictures of people that I know very well, once knew a long while ago, may have never met and/or will probably never meet. It’s all fun and games until I scroll across that one post: the post of that one friend, whose face is grinning from cheek to cheek, with their hand exposed, showing an engagement ring, with an “I said yes” comment. Naturally and with true feelings of satisfaction for my friend that has finally found a person to walk the journey of life with, I do what everyone else does. I like the post and write a “congratulations” with all the random emojis that follow. Sometimes, I’ll even tap on their page and just look back at some of their happy love-filled images and smile and wish them all the luck on their journey forward together. Then, the bitter thought begins to creep up in the back of my throat as the reality sets in; I will, again, be attending another wedding with my mom as my date.
Like I said, I love my mom with all my heart but for the past two of my friend’s weddings I have attended, she has been my date. We ride in the Uber to the venues, talk and laugh with all the other wedding guests and eat all the lovely food and cake and have a blast. But, when the couple would has their first dance I watch them embrace, sway from side to side, look into one another’s eyes, and I long for that same moment. When they call for all the other couples to join them I always, naturally sit it out. I would look on as man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman embraced and silently think when will that happen for me? I would run out of fingers and toes ten times over if I actually sat down and listed all the men that have entered my life with the hope of a relationship that never truly manifested.
I am 31 years old. I have been single for almost three years and as pessimistic as it sounds, I do not see my status changing any time soon. The dating world that I once knew no longer exists, the butterflies I once got in anticipation for a first date never happens. Hell! Even just a request for an actual date is, for me, comes as often as the solar eclipse.
“Make Dating Great Again” that’s a slogan that should go on a hat!
My mother’s friend’s daughter just got engaged. She’s in her mid twenties and I am eternally happy for them. But I know when its time to RSVP, as this is a family friend, my mother will probably take my father as her date and I will be that, ever awkward, third wheel. The saving grace this time around is, luckily the wedding is in 2019 and under normal circumstances, that would be enough time for any attractive woman to: meet a nice man, woo him with charm and wit, and hope that he will eventually see what all her family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances see – “that she is actually an awesome individual”. He would take the initiative to secure a relationship and her affections and they would spend the year getting to know each other and when it was time for her to send in her RSVP she would actually have a plus one.
But, with today’s lack of romance, in my experience. I’m more likely to win the jackpot or be struck by lightening before I meet a man that actually, simply, wants to go on a date. No man that I encounter even wants to go on a date with me. The conversations start of G-rated and often makes an abrupt left turn for X. This often leaves me wondering; “did I say something that insinuated that was what I really wanted”, do they try this every woman, or is it me? Are the signals I’m sending through the Internet getting crossed or misread? Are they coming out on the other end translating to “I’m a hoe, don’t take me seriously, I only want to play around?”
After almost three years of the same scenarios playing out exactly the same way. I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea what I’m doing in this new era of dating.
How awesome it would be to meet a man, have him fall in love (or like) with my personality and have the passion to be with me and only me, we would continue to grow as a couple and I could have a couples dance with Man-X holding me closely, swaying to the music, and holding my hand through the ceremony. That would be very awesome indeed.
February 24th, 2018