I decided that I was going to give him a real chance. Who knows, maybe I could grow to like intercourse with him over time. I didn’t want to let a seemingly good man slip through my fingers that easily so I decided to silence my shallow little voice and see if I could find something that would outweigh the negative.

On our next date he made dinner again. I got to his house around 7:30/8pm and he was in the kitchen cooking. He was an absolute sweaty mess, but the apartment smelled divine so I didn’t care. At around midnight we ate his Asian rice dish: with chicken, micro greens, and a boiled egg, it was very delicious. His table manners, once again were nowhere to be seen. By this point I had to accept that, this is who he is when in the comfort of his home. This was not the case, as I would later find out.

After dinner we retreated to the bedroom. Once again he smoked his cigarette as we sipped our red wine. He mentioned drama with his family and their constantly asking him for money. He became quite negative with the conversation and it was as if I could see that energy floating through the puff of cigarette smoke into my positive energy air, and that was no good. I retreated to the bathroom and to my surprise I had just started my period. I came back out and said I was going to go to the store for some tampons. It was from this moment and many actions throughout our dating that cemented my final decision.

He insisted on going to the store for me. Now, some women may read this and say ‘aww so cute, he offered to go for you, how romantic’. I did not see it that way. Many women have pains during their time of the month. I am not that girl. I take boxing classes, spin classes; hell I even ran a few half-marathons during my time. So I was not a damsel in distress and it was much easier for me to go and get it myself than it would be for me to tell him what I wanted and if they didn’t have it have to keep going back and forth over the phone. I threw on my shoes and I walked to the Duane Reade, got what I needed and went back. When I returned he kept asking me questions about my period, he even asked to see it. I was like ‘What the fuck dude- really?’I rudely shut him down and got into bed.

Our next date was to see Wonder Woman. I met him at his place and when I arrived there he was again drinking wine and smoking-ugh!

I rested across the bed and he instantly got aroused. We all know when there’s an entire evening date planned and when your man wants to have sex and all the plans turn to crap. I was not about to let that happen. I wanted to see this movie I did not want to be stuck in the house all day with mediocre sex. He performed the usual; fingers and oral – mission accomplished I was satisfied. Then it was my turn to balance the scales for him. I attempted to perform oral on him. I say attempted because the normal tricks that I usually apply, that often leave my partners shaking, did not work on his miniature manhood. I was in foreign territory and since what I was doing wasn’t working I decided to stop. His exact words to me were “you have to make love to my cock” YUCK! I absolutely hated hearing him say cock. In my mind I’m thinking; a “cock” is at least 6” inches, what you have is anatomically, simply a penis. He sits back and gets himself erect and we have sex and he finally has his, now familiar, multiple orgasms. When we’re done I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower before we headed out and I came back to him fully dressed, smoking and drinking. His hands, mouth and body were just in my every thing and he’s not going to shower or at least wipe off? Again-WTF!We headed out, caught the train heading downtown. We arrived with a little over an hour so we got some Italian nearby.

We ordered mussels as an appetizer and a lamb dish for our entrée. I will admit the waiter was a bit slow, but the manners that I once assumed was reserved for his home were on full display on the corner of Broadway. Snapping his fingers at the waiter, cursing him under his breath, and giving him snide comments. When we were done eating the mussels he lifted the bowl to his face and drank the broth, the way a child drinks the sugary milk from a bowl of cereal. I was utterly embarrassed.

The movie was great, when it was done we walked to Magnolia bakery because I wanted banana pudding then we got a drink at a Mexican restaurant. I got a margarita and he got a shot of tequila. He asked the bartender for what I later learned wash chili-grasshoppers. Again, WTF! (So just a little input, my last ex was extremely basic in his food choices and that drove me insane. I like spices, herbs, greens, and various cuisines. So G_OKC was a warm welcome to what I had to deal with before but I drew the line at insects. He was way more extreme than I would prefer). Anyway, we finished our drinks and headed out. He wanted me to come back to his place but I was not in the mood. I knew if I went back he would want to have sex again and that idea did not entertain me at all.

Our next date didn’t happen for a while. He went on vacation to Puerto Rico for a week, when he returned I was away camping. When we finally saw each other again it had been over three weeks. I must admit, I did miss him a little bit; but thinking back I believe it was more the dates we went on vs. me missing him. He showed me pictures from his vacation and we talked about past relationships and work. I showered then we got in bed. We did our usual sex routine but then he started sniffing my armpits, behind my knee, my thigh and vagina. I’m thinking to myself did he become a bloodhound while we were apart. What was with all the sniffing? His response was that’s where you can detect the person’s “IT”. Um- ok! The next morning I showered (notice I said “I”) then we headed out for work (second time, a night of messy sex and no shower).

Our next date was a few weeks later. He had gotten caught up with work; I was trying to get back into my running and I was subconsciously attempting my distance to breakup technique. (This is a technique that has happened to me and I have learned to mastered over time: There is someone you are dating but when you’re no longer interested, rather than being honest and ending it, you simply stop talking to them, hoping the feeling will be mutual and you’ll be let off the hook) It didn’t work. SO, once again, I met him at his house. He was going to cook but I knew that woule mean us eating well after midnight or later so I said we have to go out, and I was starving. We went to a tiny fusion restaurant a few blocks from his home. We got a table and once again his manners annoyed me. He kept trying to tell the chef how he should cook the food: add a little spice, add some lemon, try gravy blah, blah, and blah. I had to tell him to stop, it was obvious the servers and chef was getting annoyed and not that I thought they would, but I didn’t want to chance them spitting in my food because he was being a jerk.

On the walk back there was a new sex store that had recently opened up. He joked that one day we should go in there and buy some toys. To myself I thought ‘yea, a strap on for you’.Then he decided to bring up the issue that I don’t perform oral sex on him or in his words ‘you never suck my cock’. Again, my skin crawled at hearing him say that because again he didn’t have a cock he had a penis.

For the record, I love giving someone I like oral, I am in fact very good at it. But giving head to a gherkin was not my idea of a good time. In addition to that I didn’t see the need to give him oral. He was having an orgasm (multiples to be exact) every time we had sex; so what exactly did he need oral for? This actually led to a heated debate on the walk back to his apartment and into his room.

Now by this time, I had come to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to be with him. I wasn’t being totally sexually satisfied so why continue to lie to myself and give pity pussy just because he was a nice guy. So this was my one opening to swiftly end the situation without hurting his feelings without revealing my true feelings.

My excuse for not giving him oral, yet always ready to receive was simple. I never had a G-spot orgasm from intercourse with him, and to be totally honest, I barely have G-Spot orgasms in general (even with big dicks). So the only way I’m walking away totally satisfied is when I get oral.

For a man if a girl gives you oral; you may or may not orgasm but once you have sex I’m certain you’re fucking until you cum. Now if you’re a man that has lasting power, maybe you can stay hard enough to please your woman. But the harsh reality is that many men do not last long enough to bring their woman to G-spot orgasm. And even if you’re not a marathon-fucker (one erection for an extremely long time) you can be a sprint-fucker (a man that cums, then takes a few minutes break then get hard again to repeat the cycle), long enough for your partner to feel satisfied. He was very much one and done and the effort I would need to put in to get him back up would not yield me satisfactory rewards.

Ultimately I would not budge on my response and it was not up for discussion, as I was not going to change my mind. To him, getting oral was a very important part of his sexual relationships and the idea of being with a woman that didn’t want to suck his (little) cock would not do. It was now around 11pm, I sat on his bed for a few more minutes as the silence and tension filled the already smoked filled air. I said I was going to leave but he said I should stay because it was late, but his energy said ‘get the fuck out!’ About two minutes later I said I was going to head home. I grabbed my bag and left and we never spoke again.

On my walk home, I talked to myself (like we all occasionally do- so don’t judge me), and me and my other personalities all came to the same conclusion. We cannot see a relationship with a gherkin. Not just any gherkin but a rude, smoking, insect eating, no manners having, non showering, nail polish on his toes wearing, gherkin. Could I have tolerated all the before mentioned if his penis was 3-4” bigger, possibly so. But I will not tolerate all that and a little dick. It’s simply not worth it.


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