I was talking to this guy, P_OKC. His was Scottish, lived in Manhattan, and in his thirties.
He messaged me a casual opening line, specifics I don’t remember- but nothing alarming. The conversation expanded quite rapidly in the span of 24 hours. We breezed through topics like: work, education, dating preferences, faith, politics, music, and food preferences. The conversation was going well considering it was still day one. He asked me about my blog since I state it on my profile and you can see my IG feeds as well. I explained to him my issues, past and current, with online dating and the conversation grew more in depth. Something about him made me feel comfortable, easy to open up. I told him about past relationships and dating experiences and he seemed to actually show a genuine interest, as he kept asking questions. We eventually got on the topic of sex and I felt no need to filter. I wasn’t online to bed every man that approached me. I was only looking for one that could satisfy both my physical desires and intellectual desires and he seemed like he could be the one, especially when he mentioned he was well endowed.
The easiness of the conversation eventually shifted, as they always do once any topic similar to sex comes up. First when he asked me for more photos. This act, asking for more photos, is a huge annoyance for me.
- I have 4-6 photos of my self, including 2 full body photos. So I don’t see a reason a man could need more. (You’re just being greedy) What I’m not about to do, is send a personal photo shoot to every man that I talk to from online. (Ain’t nobody got time for that.)
- The requests always seem to come from men that partially hide their face or features. P_OKC had 3 photos; in two of them he was wearing shades and the last one his face wasn’t even looking at the camera.
His reasoning was; how could he know I was real? My response was the same applies for me. He wanted proof, but I was just supposed to take his word for it? So, right then, I should have stopped talking to him but I decided to jump down that rabbit hole- Stupid Alice!
I ended up sending him a quick video of me walking downtown, in that exact moment. His response: you’re going to have to do better than that… Now, of course that means he wanted some tits, ass or vagina shots but I’m smarter than that.
- I am not about to hand out shots of my body to any man that asks. If I did 95% of NYC would have my body on their phones.
- Revenge porn is real in these streets. The last thing I need is a photo of my privates blasted on WordStar. I won’t be caught slippin.
I told him that was the best I could offer; take it or leave it.
Again, I should have stopped talking to him then but I just kept on going. I was determined to continue this conversation to at least a meet in greet and see if this guy was worth all the fuss.
He asked me if I was seeing anyone else, and at the moment I was but nothing was serious. He continued to pry further into my sex life; it teetered the line of annoyance and arousal. I was actually able to talk openly about sex and sexuality and it felt good. We discussed the swinger parties he had been to, him wanting to do a threesome with me and another girl. (This was not the first time I was approached by a man for a threesome; but it always confuses me when they try to set it up before even meeting me first. Like 3 strangers walk into a bar and into the hotel room together type stuff) however the conversation was stimulating and intriguing. The only time I like a sugar coating, is on my Frosted Flakes; any other time give it to me straight.
All seemed to be going well, until he hit me with the following.
“You seem nice, I think I have someone for you” What??? There I was thinking that we were vibing then he hastily made up his mind that he would rather pass me off to an old boss of his. I was beyond livid. So many thoughts were running through my mind but mainly why and how. Like, how could you come to that conclusion, before even meeting me and then decide to pass me off to your old boss. If we had met and there was not chemistry in person, then I would have been less offended. In my state of shock I agreed to meet this former boss. At that point I assumed communication with P_OKC was done; I was very wrong.
I deleted our conversations directly after. The next afternoon he messaged me. Once again inquiring about my recent sexual activities while he bragged about his. Call me crazy, but I was annoyed and intrigued at the same time, so I allowed the madness to continue. The conversation evolved to the topic of attraction and realistic dating expectations.
Now, I’m well aware of what I look like. I am also aware that I may not toot everyone’s horn as not everyone will toot mine. Attraction is subjective and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
However, he all but implied that I was aiming too high and that could be part of the reason why I was still single. Stating that: any man can make a woman a “wet spot”. And I should consider lowering my standards in what I was physically looking for. If I could have reached through the phone to strangle him, I would have. I should have blocked and deleted his number right then, but I stooped to his level, and I engaged back and forth to prove that his comments were not true. As there were many gorgeous women that still get cheated and/or mislead by men, and men vs women – the struggle goes both ways. Once again, we stopped talking.
Eventually I got a message from his old boss; at least he seemed decent. We agreed on a Friday night date at a bar in Brooklyn. I walked into the bar and I knew who he was instantly: he was tall, brown skin, 43 (my cut off is 40), a retired financial smart man (honestly I don’t remember exactly what he did- but he made enough that he was able to retire at a young age and buy tons of properties – so he was well off), of Caribbean decent, and a lot more overweight than I prefer to date.
Now, don’t get it confused, the weight itself was not the issue- it was more about his lifestyle. I, personally, struggle with my weight but I try live a healthy lifestyle: I eat well ½ of the time, work out often and am always training for a marathon. The last thing I want to do is adapt my partner’s bad lifestyle choices and balloon out. The date went well until he asked how I knew P_OKC. When I told him he passed me off for reasons unknown to me, pissed would not describe how he felt. I then asked him the same and he told me P_OKC thought I was too conservative for him so he figured he’d introduce us. Me- Conservative?? (Scratching my head). We finished our date and I went back home. He left an open invitation to go on another date but I had no interest in him, so I haven’t spoken to him since.
On that Monday P_OKC messaged me asking why I told the truth about how I knew him. My response was that I had told the truth since I had no reason to lie about it. But I had to ask him; did he think his boss was the best I could do, as far as looks were concerned and his response was yes, especially since he was insanely rich, especially compared to me. I, once again, argued with him that money wasn’t everything. Personality, similarity, conversation, goals, common interests, and physical attraction all play an important role. After what seemed like beating a dead horse I had to throw in the towel. There would be no good coming out of this. He had already sex-zoned me long ago and any further debate would do nothing but drain my energy. I was DONE. So I blocked his account on OKC, and blocked his number on my phone, just to prevent any future ass-hole talk from attacking my line.