Oh! The Disrespect Is Real


Online dating definitely has its ups and downs. I’ve been cancelled on, stood up, cat-fished, and lied to. So after online dating, for almost 20 years, not much surprised me; until I was surprised.

I was at a point when I started to question my outward appearance. I was experimenting with hair color and styles and making more and more bold fashion choices. I realized that a lot of men would not appreciate and/or get my fashion choices, so I realized I would have to find someone as equally fashion explorative as I was. So one afternoon a message popped up on my phone and the man on my screen looked to fit the bill, M_OKC. He had a very afro-punk vibe: funky-fun glasses, fun fashion and a bleached Afro; so I replied back. We messaged back and forth for the rest of the afternoon. When I got home he called me and we spoke on the phone and the conversation was quite amazing.

He lived in Brooklyn, worked for FedEx, and was a drummer for a church on weekends. As the conversation progressed I found out we had a lot in common: music, food, travel goals, etc. When he mentioned that he had a set of twin daughters I wasn’t too enthused; but I figured I keep an open mind to see what would happen. He had a mouth like a sailor as we spoke but I wanted to keep an open mind. We joked about the future and discussed our past dating experiences. He gave me tons on compliments: I’m beautiful; he’s so lucky to have met me, and why was I single, since I’m perfect. He was laying on the compliments thicken than icing on a cake, so I just ate it all up. We agreed to meet the next day after work. Throughout the day we messaged back and forth. We agreed to meet in Times Square at 6pm.

At around 5pm I messaged him just to make sure our plans were still on. After years of online dating cancellations; confirmations had become a habit of mine. Luckily he confirmed our plans were still on, so I continued to work and wait for 6pm to arrive.

6 o’clock came, then 6:15 and nothing. I thought; maybe, there was a train delay, so I gave him a call to see where he was. He answers and I ask him is ETA. His response was the farthest thing from what I would have expected to hear.

(The below exchange isn’t quite verbatim, but extremely close to the original conversation)

He: “I’m in the Bronx”

Me: “What do you mean you’re in the Bronx?” When I spoke to you last you were in the Brooklyn.”

He: “Well my friend said he’d drive me and we ended up here”

Me: “So how do you plan to get here?”

He: “I’m so sorry! I’m going hop on the train right now.”

Me: “What train are you by?”

At this point he’s lost in the Bronx. He’s by a number of trains, all of which can get him to the Times Square area within 30-45 minutes maximum. I told him to ask a person on the street the way to the nearest train. He finds the 2 & 3 train and I tell him to get on it and get off at Times Square. I made no other plans for the afternoon, so I agreed to wait for him to arrive.

An entire hour passes by and he still is nowhere to be found. At this point I am livid, so I give him another call.

Me: “Where the hell are you?”

He: “I’m still in the Bronx, where am I supposed to meet you again?”

I was still in the office, and infuriated with his lack of respect for my time. I didn’t raise my voice but my annoyance was definitely understood. My coworker, whom was also in the office with me was having a riot listening to me verbally rip this guy a new asshole.

Me: “What the hell do you mean you’re still in the Bronx. You should have been here by now.

He: “I know- I’m coming though.”

Me: Don’t bother. You have wasted my entire afternoon. You and I are not meeting; not today, not ever. Have a nice life.

I ended the call, and refused to answer when he called back repeatedly.

Whenever I was in a bad mood, I’ve realized that, to make myself feel better- I would go shopping, so, that’s exactly what I did. I walked to Grand Central, went to Rainbow and loaded up on fashions that would erase the horrible day away. At this point my phone was going off. He was calling and texting me to no avail. Now, 20 minutes after I hung up on him, it was almost 8pm; and he texts me, I’m here where are you?” I was in the fitting room trying on new clothes and against my better judgments I replied to his message.

Me: “I went home- I waited 2 hours for you. You didn’t care so I left”

He: “Come back, I want to meet you.”

Me: “I don’t want to meet you anymore. Have a nice time.”

He then released an arsenal of verbal abuse… I was called a spoiled bitch. He said I was lucky he gave me the time of day. He said I wasn’t that cute anyway and I was a waste of his time.

Call me crazy but I was not the one that skipped past his destination and back again (if that’s what even happened) and I was not the one that showed up 2 hours later. I was well within my right to cancel this date. And to make it clear this date was not going to happen I had said so before I hung up the phone. So his choice to still come downtown was another dumb move on his part.

I didn’t answer his calls but I replied to his texts. As a father, with a set of twin daughters how could you fix your mind to be that disrespectful to a woman? This ruined date was no fault of mine. So for him to be mad at me was ridiculous.

When I get extremely angry rather than stoop to basic slang, for some reason I become a scholar so I tend to use big words that I know further infuriates the person I am arguing with.

Me: “The level of disrespect you have just exhibited was totally unnecessary. How would you feel if a man spoke to your daughters with the language you just used towards me?”

He: “My daughters wouldn’t act like you, so no one would speak to them like that”

Me: “So you would want your daughters to wait around for 2 hours for a man. I highly doubt that. Anyway- like I said before, this debate is done. Do whatever you want and have a nice life”

I blocked his number, blocked him on OKC, and blocked him on Instagram.

I have dealt with many unfortunate situations in my dating life. That one, however, was the most disrespectful. How the hell did he come to the conclusion that I was the problem? He came to that conclusion because he was a crazy asshole- that’s how. I hope to never run into a man like that again in life but as unfortunate as life can be, I know at some point I will. Luckily the second time around I will notice the signs.

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