I started talking to Moe (OKC) in the fall of 2015; actually our virtual paths crossed earlier in the season, more like end of summer, but I started talking to someone else so I paused our communication. Naturally, as my luck would have it, that relationship didn’t pan out so I reached back out to Moe. He was black, was a vegan, lived in Brooklyn at the time and worked in something in the manual labor field but wasn’t totally happy working under someone else. In the end he wanted to be his own boss because he wanted to call the shots.
We communicated often and the conversation was easy and smooth. He asked to take me out on a date to lunch one Saturday and I agreed. I found a restaurant on the Upper East Side that was vegan, Candle 79. I was running a little late to the date. When I arrived I saw his appearance and immediately regretted my decision to meet him. You’ve ever seen a couple walking down the street and wonder; how did they end up together? – That was he and I. I should have turned away right then but that has never been my style. I like to give people a fair chance to show who they are; I wish more people did the same, but that’s neither here nor there.
We went into the restaurant and were seated immediately. We each ordered a cocktail, we split an appetizer and we each ordered an entrée and split a dessert. The food was delicious and the conversation was fun. He expressed that he and his friend were trying to get into fashion by reselling merchandise. I thought the idea sounded optimistic but lacked details to actually make it work- but I kept that to myself. The date was actually going well until we got on the topic of politics (how we got here I do not remember- but here we were); and he mentioned that he didn’t vote. Anyone that knows me knows that I am an extremely liberal Democrat. With that being said; I have no problem considering dating a person that is Republican, if love really does conquer all. I do however have a problem with a person that chooses to not participate in the act of voting; especially considering all the fighting that black people, men, women had to go through to have the ability to vote. That should have been a clear indicator that rocky roads were ahead but I dismissed it.
The bill came and he put down $80. I had glanced at the check before he paid and I noticed the bill said $75.50; so I asked him if he intended to leave a tip, at which point he replies that was all the money he had.
Who goes on a date, to a restaurant, with only $80? I’ll wait! I asked him if he had a card; at which he replied he didn’t use and/or have credit cards. I took his cash, put the bill on my card, tipped her accordingly, and then we walked to the MET Museum. He scoffed at me paying $10 to enter the museum; at which point I should have ended the date but, again, I wanted to be a nice person. We checked our coats then headed in. In the Roman wing we threw coins into the water. He made a wish and we shared a single kiss. We continued to look at the exhibits and eventually we left the museum and parted ways.
A few weeks had passed and it was now around Christmas. For the past 10 years, around Christmas I always walked to visit the store windows; I started to call it Holiday Store Tour. It’s such a magical experience seeing how all the Christmas cheer can transform any Grinch and, since we were trying to establish a connection, I invited him to come along with me.
Initially his response was yes, and then it shifted to ‘I’ll have to see what my money looks like’. Now, I didn’t say we were doing anything other than visiting the stores; so his inability to answer with a simple yes or no seemed illogical to me. About a week later, a few days before Christmas I asked him again. He complained about his check not coming on time and that he had no money. As a solution I said we could keep it simple and go Dutch; normally on my Holiday Store Tours the most I would buy was a hot chocolate and keep it moving. I thought that by offering to go Dutch it would be seen as a good option; he wouldn’t have to spend any money and I’d have a person to walk the stores with me. Boy- Was I Wrong!!
He ripped into me. Complaining that I was being spoiled and selfish. He complained that I’d be single forever if I continued to be such a pest. He complained that he didn’t like going out when he was broke and that he didn’t have money to even get on the train. At which point I responded that I was not a pest but an idiot. I was an idiot for giving you a chance.
I proceeded to say; “Maybe you should reconsider your life decisions. If you didn’t spend all your money on weed and got a real job instead of trying to play like a boss that you’d be able properly date a lady. Foolish of me for even considering a cornball like you.”
Needless to say; that conversation was the last.
This wasn’t the first time I dated below my level and it sure wouldn’t be the last. I’ve noticed that over the years I’ve given many chances to men that I had no business considering. Recently my friend sent me post showing the average cost of a first date over the US and New York had a cost of over $297. I was surprised. I thought to myself how? Call me crazy- but I tend to be a fan of meeting for coffee or maybe a bar for the first date. I’ve never been a fan of movie dates or dinner dates, since I like to talk and get to know the person. When I told her this, her response was; “Oh no girl… Whenever they hit me with coffee dates or bs dates I hit them with “I’m busy”.
I realized then, that I had to step my game up. Aim higher to meet a man worth my time and/or a worth his weight in salt type of man. I come across assholes both broke and better off- I might as well get better dates and experiences if I may end up with the same drama.
Bum Magnet_Part 1