I had always a found luck on Badoo; this particular dating app had crossed me with two very significant and long lasting relationships (well- long for me). Badoo was always my go-to when I was single, so when I found myself on the market again I went revisited my old faithful.
I started talking to G_Badoo in 2015, not too long after my breakup. I didn’t want to jump into anything but I wanted to get out of the house and meet new people. You see; my last relationship put me through the ringer. I had decided that I’d rather be single than be in a relationship where I was sad and feeling alone majority of the time. I’m not going to dwell into the details of that relationship yet; that will be a totally different post to come much later.
After my breakup I was starved for romance, compliments, and someone nice. When G_Badoo came across my profile he had a sweet look; a little rough around the edges but in the very least, I was open to getting to know him. Through phone conversations I found out that he lived in my same neighborhood and that he had actually saw me around, since he hung out around my pops. He said he tried getting my attention in the past but I was never responsive. So one morning he volunteered to meet me at the train on my way to work. I saw it as a sweet gesture so I agreed.
Monday morning I was walking to the train. I don’t remember exactly what I was wearing but considering I was going to work and that I work in fashion, I’m quite certain I looked extra pretty. As I walked in his direction I heard my inner conscience screaming at me to, run away! Tell him something suddenly came up and that I had to go back home. Ahead of me stood a man; 5’9” (maybe 5’10”), wearing a dirty Yankees cap that covered his messed up ponytail, an oversized dingy jacket, oversized baggy pants, and busted up Timberland boots. My insides were immediately pissed that once again I was a magnet for a jail bird.
Now, before people jump down my throat- allow me to explain. I have, on more than a few occasions, dated men that were once behind bars. I am fully aware that the judicial system is not the same for a man of color, in comparison to a white man; and the smallest infraction can land a man of color behind bars; the same is not true for a white man. So, for a moment in time I would, if approached respectfully by a man that had once been in the system, give them the benefit of the doubt. Hell, I once went to bail my ex out when his crazy baby-mama got him locked up. I did not want to be one of those women that looked down on a man (especially a man of color) because of his past. We all make mistakes and the goal is that we learn to not repeat them again.
So, I proceeded to walk ahead and greet him. It wasn’t like I could just walk by and not say anything- that would have been extremely rude. And my assumption was only based on his looks; maybe he was having an off day, so I greeted him kindly and we walked to get on the train. On the train we spoke about what we liked to do. I discovered that he not only lived near my brother, but he also socialized with my pops. I figured in the very least, as my pops is an intimidating man, that he wouldn’t change face and become a dick. I asked him had he been locked up and he confessed that he had. To myself I said, “I knew it!” There’s something about a man that has been locked up. They move different, talk, and dress like they’re still inside. I swear sometimes I can smell the cellblock on them. But nonetheless, there I was riding the train with the 5 years out jail bird, that also had kids. (I was really batting 100%).
Why he got locked up, you may wonder. He claims he interfered with a domestic dispute- sounds chivalrous- I know. But there was a second time that he didn’t want to go into detail on. He kept showing me screenshots of romantic quotes about love and accepting people for who there are, etc. I would have eaten it all up had it not been for: his appearance, record, kids, etc. The entire train ride was awkward. He kept trying to get close to me and I kept trying to make space. I allowed crowds of people to come in between us because I just did not want to be seen with him. Finally when my stop had come I ran off the train with a quick bye.
He texted me many times after that, I was not interested, but he wouldn’t get the hint. Then one day my pops comes home and asks me about him. I assume he asked my pops about me and I guess my pops told him to leave me alone, as I never heard from him again. Thanks Pops.
Mid July; my mother, pop, brother, and sister-in-law were on a cruise. I’m at dinner with my friends and I receive an unknown call, I normally wouldn’t answer, but I thought it was my nephew. I answer the phone thinking the worst and it turns out to be the cornball. He asks me if I remember him and I’m completely at a lost for words. Of all the people in the world he could’ve called; to call a person you rode the train with one time? Did he burn all his other bridges or was I that great of a train ride? He was trying to jog my memory and see how I was doing. I was at the dinner table looking like a dear caught in headlights. After a few minutes I wished him well and hung up the phone.
From this and other examples I started to become more detailed with my vetting process. Of course this wouldn’t be the last time I got caught out there with a Bum though. So be sure to check out next week’s post.