In response to the recent bills passed against women’s rights in Alabama, (specifically abortion, for those that live under a rock); I’ve decided to share my stories and perspectives on the topic. As of lately, my fingers have been getting much exercise; arguing with those that are, not really, pro-life, but, really, anti-abortion.
It still amazes me that people feel they have the right to say what a woman should and shouldn’t do with what’s going on in her body. It’s even more infuriating when you know that this law would still criminalize women that seek abortion if they are raped or if a pregnancy resulted from incest. Take it a step further; the state of Alabama is a state where a man that rapes a woman, is tried and convicted of said rape, can still seek and fight for custody of that child. So, if the woman chooses to keep the child, for whatever reason, he has the legal right to see the child; further victimizing the woman.
I’ll make my position very clear. I don’t agree that abortions should be used as a form of birth control, in the way the conservatives would like to make it seem.
I don’t think a woman should have multiple abortions, just to avoid having a child. However, my position still remains that, it’s her right to choose. I prefer people educate themselves on sex and try and explore methods that work for them. There are a host of birth control options: condoms (male & female), diaphragms (although a bit outdated, but can still do the trick to avoid becoming pregnant). There’s the pill (it comes in many different doses and level of hormones), the shot, the ring, the patch, various IUDs, and lastly, the implant.
Since the age of 14 when I lost my virginity, I’ve used a plethora of birth control methods. Yet, even I, on two separate occasions, found myself pregnant.
I was approximately 16 years old when I had my first abortion; I was using a condom with my partner and, guess what, it broke! There was no Plan B at the time, so I just had to wait. I still hoped with all hope that I would not end up pregnant. However, once I missed my period, it became abundantly clear what my next step would be.
I didn’t want to tell my mom because, I can admit it now that, I was ashamed. She knew I wasn’t a virgin but I didn’t want her to know that I was “having sex”. So one of my older friends came with me the day of my operation and he gave me the money. When it was all over I felt sad, but more relieved. I had hit the re-start button on my life and I told myself I was going to do better; and I did. Until it happened again.
After my first abortion I went from, in conjunction with condoms, to the pill then the depo-shot. I had come to a period where I wasn’t having sex and I let my shot period go slightly out of date; and I had sex with an old-faithful partner and a newer partner. This time around, the choice wasn’t as easy. I was 18 and a HS graduate, with a job. I could take care of this child if I chose to keep it. But, I’d have got put college on the back-burner, settle for a job to get by, no career, and just hope that the father wouldn’t be a dead-beat. Oh, I’d also have to have a DNA test; immediately my mind went to an episode of Maury. I was crying in the bathroom of my job, and sulking around the house. This time, I did tell my mom and she understood my decision. After my operation, she and my brother picked me up and we drove home.
I took a break from sex and have been on steady birth control ever since. I started with the IUD, which gave me heavier than normal periods. Then I switched to the patch; this was better, if not for the ugly scar it would leave on my abdomen. My most successful method was the Nuva-Ring. Boy! Did I love the Nuva-Ring! I never forgot it, I didn’t have any weird side-effects. I was even able to regulate my period as I wanted. Say I was going on vacation and that was going to be the week of my period; instead of the week off, I’d just put the next ring in and Voila! Another 3 weeks of no blood. This was all rainbows and butterflies; until the price went from $15 for 3 months, to $75 for 1 month. I was not willing to pay that much month. So, I asked my GYN if there was any other options and she recommended the Nexplanon. It’s a mini rod-implant that goes into the arm and lasts for 4 years. I said; “SIGN ME UP!”
I’ve been pregnancy-scare-free ever since, and I still use condoms, to avoid any other STD/Is. With that being said, I’m always shocked when I go to have sex with a man, and he’s resistant to use a condom. This is why I often lie to my partners and tell them I’m not on birth control to avoid the headache of “Why we have to use condoms, you wont get pregnant” bs.
It would be great if we lived in a world where education and pregnancy prevention was placed on a higher pedestal. It’s been proven to that abstinence doesn’t work to prevent people from having sex, it only forces them to become ill-informed on the choices they make with their bodies. If we stop shaming the act of sex and talk about it from an educational POV, so those that do engage in sex will make wiser decisions, I’m sure we’ll see a dramatic drop in abortion rates.
Until we get there though; talk to your partner, before you have sex with them, to know where they stand on the issue. For the men who want kids; know that if your partner does not, she has full rights to terminate that pregnancy. And, for the men that don’t want kids; if she becomes pregnant and refuses to terminate that pregnancy; you will now be a father. Having a 15 minute conversation cloud eliminate a lifetime of headache or an invasive surgery.
There have been theories tossed out about why this law was allowed to pass in the first place.
But my opinion is simply that, those in charge still desire to control the reproductive rights of women.
They bitched when women entered the workforce and started having less babies. They bitched when women started speaking about our own sexuality. They bitched about birth control. Now, they’re bitching about abortions.
At the same time, they’ll deny women that want to get their tubes tied; to avoid becoming pregnant in the first place. While those same people, will bitch when a woman has a child she can’t afford; then has to seek government assistance. There’s not winning.
Those in charge and those that have eaten too much yogurt-shit can be manipulated to think it’s a religious based decision, or a right to breathe decision, but it’s all about control of women.
Swirly shit in a cone with a cherry on top is still SHIT!
So, to those who have so much to say about my reproductive rights, I say “MIND YOUR OWN UTERUS!”