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Tale of a Polyamorous Heartbreak

No one ever said it would hurt any less. 

I’ve read a few books, some articles, and asked strangers all over the internet. They made the poly lifestyle seem like a walk in the park; open and honest communication and affection between partners; nothing could go wrong. They all said it would require constant work, but, none of them ever said; when the journey had run its course, it would still hurt like hell. Had they told me I could’ve prepared; but, since they didn’t, I had to learn it the old-fashioned way. 

I connected with him on Hinge, he was Latino and, a few years younger. He lived in New Jersey, so I was hesitant at first, but I figured I should take a chance and see what would happen; in the very least, I would end up with a good friend. Surprisingly, we hit it off, almost immediately; we bonded while discussing current events, music, food, tv, and movies we both liked; we were off to a great start.  

Our first date we walked to get dinner at Mexicue; three tacos and two margaritas in, the conversation flowed like a river. He was just as cool in person, as he was over the phone. We talked, laughed, and joked the time away. When we were finished, he got the check; then we left. We walked side by side as we made our way to Barcade (a bar with arcade games). He got us beers (me a cider), then exchanged dollars for game coins. I offered to give him some cash, but he turned it down. We played a plethora of games; from Tetris, to Pacman, to shooting games, and driving games. It was obvious he was in his element, and I actually enjoyed seeing him in his element. When we ran out of coins, I suggested we walk to get dessert; so, from 23rd street, we walked down to Spot on St Marks Place. It was the usual hour wait; but, with him, the time passed by. Once we were called, we each ordered dessert, I ordered a latte and he ordered a matcha beer. This time when the check came, I paid it; a few times he fought me on it, but eventually he let me pay. Our date ended at a karaoke bar, a few doors down. He paid for our drinks, I paid for the songs; and it was there, while we were sitting close that he leaned in to kiss me; ever so gently. He held me close as our mouths and tongues danced together; and although his kisses were passionate, he maintained being a total gentleman. We continued making out the rest of the time at the bar; we would caress my arm as we sat at the bar, we’d take a drink, then we would begin kissing again. When the bar closed, we walked up to 14th street. He got on the Path train back to New Jersey, and I took an Uber home. The next day when my friends and I went wine tasting, I told them it was, quite possibly, the most amazing first date I ever had.  

We spoke every day after that. Our next date was a week later and we went to the movies to see Toy Story 4 (in 4D); and it was awesome! After the movies, we walked around for a bit; we talked abouyt favorite holiday songs, movies, and traditions; then we stopped to eat at Grimaldi’s Pizzeria. When we finished eating, we walked back downtown. From 22nd street, we walked all the way through the village. It was the weekend of the pride parade and the everyone was out and proud. We stopped to get ice cream, and we walked past the Stonewall memorial. We continued walking down to the path train; hand in hand, and stealing occasional kisses. When we got to the train, it was a 20-minute wait; we started kissing, 40 minutes later, no train had arrived and we were still kissing, after an hour of standing in the station, waiting for the train that never came, kissing the entire time; when we resurfaced, both of our lips were slightly swollen. Even though our kisses were extremely passionate, he was still a gentleman; other than our bodies pressing up against one another and the occasional cheek grab; none of his actions were super aggressive. I wondered, if we were in his apartment, would he have the same restraint. Earlier in the date, he had suggested our next date be on his side of the water and I told him; I would look forward to that. He called his uber and it came right away. I contemplated walking around a bit, but decided against it and called my uber home. That, unfortunately, was the last time I saw him.  

On our first date, it was my mission to make clear my polyamorous position; so, we briefly spoke about the people we were dating. I briefly mentioned the guys I was dating and he had mentioned a girl, and that was that. A few weeks after our last date, when I returned from camping; I messaged him. I had noticed his messages becoming less and less, so I wanted to know what was going on. He explained to me that, things were progressing with the girl he was dating. He explained that he felt dishonest seeing both of us. Neither of them was in the lifestyle, and although he walked around to the deep end of the pool, he was not ready to take the dive in. He told me he had to stop seeing me; I thanked him for his honesty, and I wished him luck.  

When I put the phone down, my body began to warm up; from my toes all the way to my face, I was hot with emotions. Then, they all pooled out, in the form of tears. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to break up with me. This was not why I decided to be polyamorous. I dived into this pool to build bonds with people; that would last a lifetime; so, how was I just supposed to walk away? Was I supposed to take those great memories and burn them? This was a feeling I did not want; but I had to live with it.  

On day 2, I was feeling better; and he messaged me. He still wanted to be friends, which is what I wanted too. I genuinely enjoyed his company and our conversations; so, we agreed to try and go back to being friends; I would respect his boundaries and he would respect mine.  

On day 3, he sent me a message that wasn’t like the others; this message had a sexual tone that had never existed between us before. He was showing signs of a fuck-boy. It crossed my mind to play with the matches he was laying out. One or two things were obvious; either he was second guessing his decision to just be friends, and still wanted to test the waters; or, all the good boy actions were just a façade. I wasn’t quite sure yet, so I continued to proceed with no caution for the outcome.  

A few days later, another sexual message passed across my phone; so this time I decided to play into the fantasy. I knew what I was dealing with and I felt confident that my emotions were intact. We did this dance for a few more weeks; and then I realized just how morally different we were.  

He sent me some clip of some conservative (probably religious) man, essentially blaming women for men that can’t control themselves. In the clip; the man claimed that women only use their bodies to get ahead; which I, of course, wholeheartedly disagreed with. That was our last real conversation. I messaged him when the podcast episode dropped; to let him know and see how he was doing. All was good on his end and all was great on mine; and I was fine with closing the chapter forever.  

I didn’t want to close the door when it was forced upon me; but I was quite elated when the choice was mine. In the end, I know it wouldn’t have ever worked out; but it was fun while it lasted. Once I weathered the storm of my first poly-heartbreak; I knew that when the time came again, I would be much better prepared.  

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TABOOTY PART 1

Now that I’m finally having some of the best and most exciting sex in my life; I’m exploring more and more new avenues of pleasure. If it wasn’t already clear, I’ve returned back to online dating. This time around though, I’m in the process of getting to know some amazing people. 

My current partner; we connected via Tinder. Our first date we talked a lot about the complexities of dating, some of the hits and misses we’ve had, and herpes (since this was on my Tinder profile). The conversation was easy and playful; to be honest it was quite refreshing to talk about herpes so casually with someone, especially considering it was a first date. Before our second date we were already exchanging sexy pics and naughty texts. He didn’t deliver the predictable sex messages and he didn’t say all the things he would do. He gave me compliments, which was quite nice. For our second date we wanted a place that was more intimate, yet still casual. We each tried to scour the internet to find a bar/lounge that would fit the bill, but nothing caught our eyes. We ended up going to a Mexican restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen and having dinner. After dinner, we wanted a little more privacy, so he bought a bottle of wine, and we headed to his place.  

His apartment was very nice for a bachelor but the 4-floor walk-up let me annoyed, as I despise stairs. I quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up, as it was almost certain that the night would end with sex. When I came back, we had some wine and he put on, of course- Netflix. Not long after Sex Education started, we started kissing and clothes were taken off. He was passionate and deliberate in his movements and my body reacted accordingly. His lips were soft and moist as they trailed my neck and collar-bone down to my breasts. He delivered equal attention to each nipple, until they were both wet and hard. He kissed down my navel and my body flickered as his tongue greeted my vagina. His tongue did wonders on my opening as I moaned loudly and writhed with pleasure. Then, his tongue went further; immediately a million thoughts ran through my mind… What’s he doing? What did I eat earlier? Did I use baby wipes? Please don’t fart. While he was devouring and fingering my ass hole I was worried like hell. I know an ass hole is an exit, so he can’t expect it to be 100% clean, Right? In the past I’ve had fingers in my ass while my partner fucked me from behind, I’ve even had partners bite my ass a few times. However, I’ve never had a person stick their tongue in it- What the fuck is this? But I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop him, because as weird as it was to experience- it felt SO DAMD GOOD! 

After he had his fill; he came up, wiped his face and kissed me deeply. I was surprised to discover it didn’t smell or taste like shit. Would you look at that? I had no intentions on returning that favor, but I was definitely eager to wrap my mouth around his dick and with much delight, I sucked, licked, and stroked, until my heart was content. When he pulled me off of him because he could wait no longer to be inside me; he got a condom, bent me over, and proceeded to fuck the shit out of me! The phrase “motion in the ocean” was made for partners like him. Each thrust felt like ecstasy, each slap made me more wet, and when he slipped his finger into my ass, I was completely and utterly done. I had cum harder with him, than I had cum in a very-very long time. We crashed on the couch, naked, sweaty, and breathing very heavy. We drank more wine, and went two more rounds, before we retired to the bedroom to finally sleep.  

That weekend, I went to The Pleasure Chest. It was obvious to me that he liked playing with my ass. As I was certain I would definitely be seeing him again, I wanted to be prepared for next time, if I could. I bought a butt-cleaning kit and as a bonus it came with a butt-plug- This might be fun!  

The next time I saw him it was right after my workout. Unfortunately, his evening ended earlier than expected; I was planning to go home first and do a proper cleaning, but he called my Uber right after class. When I arrived at his place, I sat down to unwind a bit and he gave my shoulders a tender rub. I don’t know if it was his hands or just my overall horniness; but I turned around, pulled his dick out from his pants and proceeded to suck him off. I took a moment to remove my shirt and bra because I knew exactly where I wanted him to release at. I returned back and continued to lick and suck until he was ready to explode. With that he kissed me deeply and we got undressed and went in the shower. 

Once we were both all clean, he put on, once again, Netflix. This time we actually watched an episode of Good Girls, while eating dinner. He made it clear that his refractory period was over and that he was ready to go again, and so was I. I started by kissing all down his body and sucking to get him ready. I was bent over on all fours with his dick deep in my mouth. He sat up to play with my ass, as I knew he would. He pulled me in to sit on his face; as I grinned down his fingers slipped into my ass; as if by clock-work I started to lose control. A few convulsions, then he turned me around, so we could 69. I tasted his pre-cum it was subtly sweet and I proceeded to work my magic. Pew!– A splash of saliva misted my ass and back as his fingers continued to fondle my tight hole. Flickers of his tongue, a loud moan from me, a suck and slurp sound. Pew!- Another mist; this one less shocking and more arousing. The mixture of his saliva cooled from the air touching my warm sweaty back was an entirely new sensation. What the entire fuck was I missing all my life?  

My clit couldn’t take anymore; I needed him inside of me. Condom on, he bent me over and slid in deep as my body began to quiver from the pleasure. He starts to explore my ass again- one finger, then two. I’m moaning louder as he pushes into both my holes. I turn around and whisper. “I’ve got a butt-plug, you want to try it?”  

PART 2 NEXT WEEK