Tag Archives: PORNOGRAPHY

MY MOM FOUND MY PORN-OH NO!

I must’ve been between the ages of 8 and 10 when my mother first caught me masturbating. When she walked in on me rubbing one out, with my wash cloth, the look on her face was pure shame. I remember rushing my clothes back on, apologizing over and over on how I would never again do it, and how I would wait until I was married to have sex. Fast forward to today, I’m 33 years old, I’ve had more sexual encounters than I can count, and I currently have 3 sexually-romantic partners. I guess you can say, I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.  

My mother found out, from reading my journal, that I was having sex. To say it kindly, she wasn’t pleased; but there was nothing that she could do. Sex was never something I voluntarily abstained from for too long. I was very aware that my mom wished that I would slow down, but I simply really-really liked having sex and I wanted it as often as I could get it. I loved the feeling and I liked knowing that I had the power to control my sexual destiny; and with time, I grew very confident with my sexuality. Unfortunately, I knew my mother wouldn’t see it the same way. Growing up in a patriarchal, society that shames women and our sexual bodies; I knew (long before I had the language) that I had to keep my sexual exploits from my mom and the rest of my family. I got very-very good at the art of omission and lying about where I was going and what I was doing.  

Over time, as I got older, my mom began to see the real-reality. Her daughter, despite having 0 kids, still to this day; was no good-girl. Her daughter liked sex, a lot. And, her daughter wasn’t always the most careful. And one time, her daughter made a porno. 

Now, for the record; it was amateur at best, so it was more of a sex tape. But she was not happy when she found it.  

As a graduation present, my dad got me a new Apple Desktop computer. Around the same time, I worked at a well-known restaurant in Harlem and I was heavily flirting with one of the servers. He was cute to me, and he had what I could only describe as ‘Swag’; but what I later came to define as BDE (Big Dick Energy). The way he walked with such confidence showed me that he would fuck the shit out of me, if given the chance. We flirted for a few weeks at the job and via text; but I still played hard to get. Then, one day he sent me a picture of his dick with the message “Come get this Cali dick”. My pussy got soaking wet and I knew I had to jump on it.  

I don’t recall the timeline; but I remember inviting him over to my house when I knew my parents were away. Up in my room, I sucked on his large dick until my heart was content. Then, some-how, we ended up naked. The kisses were decent but I knew what I wanted. I was feeling daring so I decided to turn on my computer to record us fucking. Every thrust felt fantastic and since I was much smaller than I am now; my body looked extra sexy. When it was all done, he got dressed and left. I stored the video in a blocked folder on my desktop, powered it down, and things went back to normal. 

Weeks had passed and we even had a party at my house where all of my friends and family came over to celebrate. That night, most of my friends crashed on the couch in the living room. When they all left in the morning, he remained. With my mom and dad, upstairs asleep, he bent me over and fucked me on the living room floor. After our quickie, he left; it couldn’t have been more perfect timing, because my dad came downstairs shortly after.  

The video had all but slipped out of my mind for at least a month. Then I got an enraged call from my mother saying; “OH! So, you’re a porn star now?” Not only had she found the video, but that my dad just so happened to be in my bedroom when she found it. Sure, I was embarrassed; but I was, to say the least, dumbfounded. 

Keep in mind that this is 2011 and my mother was (and still is) as tech savvy, as a snail is fast. Not to mention, this was a Mac, and before then, our house was all PC. So, the fact that she still had major difficulties getting online; but was able to find the video, in the first place; I had to chuck it up to fate. Some sex gods wanted her to find that video.  

Giving her time to cool off, I took my time going home when I got off of work. I couldn’t pull a Shaggy (It wasn’t me), so I had to own up to it. She had known for the better part of a decade that I was sexually active, so the sex wasn’t the issue. What she was pissed about; was that I used the Brand New computer to record myself fucking AND that my dad saw it.  

In the end, she couldn’t really punish me in response to everything; I was 23/24 years old; I had a job and the computer was, obviously, non-refundable. So, after a few weeks of evil stares casted at me; eventually she got over it. But I know in the back of her mind that sometimes she’s still pissed that I made a porno. 

TABOOTY – PART 3

By now, at the tender age of 33, anal play had become quite a staple in my world of sex. The first time I had a finger in my ass I was still in high school. My boyfriend and I were making out under the stairs in his house and our bodies were pinned against each other. I was in jeans and he slid his hands inside my pants. As his middle finger began to tease my booty-hole, I got extremely wet. When he finally stuck his finger in my ass I was totally under his control. With every flick of his finger I writhed with pleasure; until his grandmother came downstairs and we ran back to the couch. It would be years before I dabbled into full-on anal sex; but ever since that day, I loved fingers in my ass. 

The first time I tried anal sex, it was an ill attempt to maintain my “virginity”. He tried to stick it in my ass, but the pressure was too much, so Pop! Went my cherry! The first time I actually had anal sex was with my Dominican Bae. We were in his room and I was completely naked on his couch. He took his time to play with and lick at my pussy, to get me ready. When he finally went to enter my ass (being quite endowed); he took his time. He waited for my body to adjust to his length and girth; he waited for me to give him permission to keep going, and finally, only once my body was ready, he slowly thrusted in and out. As he fucked my ass so tenderly, I rubbed at my clit until I reached my orgasm. That was the pleasurable first experience of anal sex I was glad I had. However, the few that followed were not so good. 

I have a love-hate relationship with porn. I love watching porn for the sake of enjoyment. But I hate the fact that society has become so jaded on what sex looks like and/or is, because porn is such a fucking lie. No female squirts across a room. Not every woman wants to be abused and/or man-handled. And for crying out loud, my ass (and the average woman’s ass) is not a vagina. A vagina is a self-lubricating orifice that can stretch to accommodate penetration and child birth. No ass-hole self-lubricates and the average human’s poop is no bigger than 1” diameter (It’s been proven- I think!). The muscles that keep my shit from free-flowing, will always resist an attack; so, if desiring entry, one must take it slow.  

I tried anal sex twice; both in the missionary position, which is supposed to be easier, and it was painful almost the entire time. Only having one experience to go off of and the exaggerated porn, I allowed my partners to find their pleasure, and disregarded my discomfort. It would take years before I would agree to anal sex ever again.  

By now, I was well versed in anal play. I loved and yearned for fingers, tongue and on occasion, the filling sensation of a butt-plug; but I was still hesitant to allow my partners to enter my ass. I had set up a rule for myself.  The next partner to enter my ass had to be able to demonstrate an extreme amount of restraint. Men would enter with patience, but one inside they would go ham; and I was not having my ass abused like that.  

The weekend I finally revisited anal-sex, I just so happened to be on my period. My partner had previously mentioned that he “didn’t run red lights” so, I was prepared for a weekend of cuddles and delivering him oral. Eventually that position was tossed out the window when I got out the shower with my diva cup in and started to give him oral. As I sucked at his dick, he positioned my vagina to rest on his chin and he licked at my clit. It got to the point where he wanted to have sex and he suggested anal. With a very stern voice, I made it abundantly clear that he had to take his time and if he hurt me, I would punch him.  

I bent over on my bed and he positioned himself behind me. He lubed up my ass and slid in his fingers, one then two. After playing for a bit he got a condom and applied lube to his penis and slowly entered me. With my womanizer vibrator on my clit; coupled with the sensation of him entering my ass, it felt amazing. Once he was fully inside of me, I turned up the setting and I gave him permission to “fuck my ass”. As his thrusts grew more powerful the sensation on my clit intensified. What started as moans, grew to screams, and peaked at a howl as I had my orgasm. With my clit numb and the orgasmic bliss radiating all over my body, I fell into the mattress as he continued thrusting until he had his orgasm; then he collapsed on top of me.  

It took a few days for my poops to feel normal again (I wonder if that’s a thing after anal sex? I still haven’t gotten an answer from Reddit). It was quite possibly the best sexual experience I had in years. For the days following, I found myself stopping and reminiscing. I was happy I found a way to enjoy anal sex again, and I was even more happy with my partner. Originally, I had promised my ass to another partner, but since time kept us apart; I’m glad my experience was with someone I now love.  

In the future, anal sex will become the seasonal item on the menu. I have no desire to have anal sex everyday but, I’m delighted to know that it’s there.  

SEX & SOCKS

The warmth of my partner, his skin against my skin, hand cupping my bare breasts, and legs intertwined as he spoons me from behind is all that I need, after a good sex session. When I’m with my partner, the only barrier I want between he and I, is a condom. That means I want him totally naked; and that means NO SOCKS!! 

It’s been a hood-urban legend that men who have sex with woman, with their socks on, don’t really care too much about said woman. Although I used to believe this, without a doubt; recently, I’ve come to believe there is a grey area. Take for example, my primary guy at the moment; he loves fun socks: Stitch (from Lilo & Stitch), and Jack Skelington (from The Nightmare Before Christmas), and the list goes on. When we have sex, his feet are bare. But, seeing as his socks are dope, I would be willing to let him slide. Not to mention, there is also a huge debate on Reddit. Those that are pro-socks; claim that- in addition to keeping the feet warm, they may aid with the female orgasm. I’ve never had a problem getting off without socks so I don’t care to start wearing them now. Let me also make it clear; I’m not talking about fetish foot wear either (more often worn by women); body stockings, tights, thigh-highs, and ruffled socks fall into a different category, all together.  

The socks I am talking about, are the old school 6 to a pack, white tube socks; I don’t even give a fuck- if they are Nike socks… If I’m butt-ass naked – then he should be too.  

Some men: Latino, Caribbean, and White are more often than not, barefoot when having sex- I notice these things. I also noticed, especially in my youth, dealing with niggas, (niggas as a state of mind vs. an actual race) many of them kept on their socks. I’ve witnessed quite a few men take off every item of clothing, down to their underwear yet, leave on their socks. So, I asked the question, “If a man has sex with his socks on, what does it mean?” 

I got a good amount of responses that, socks offered better traction. To me, it would seem more logical for both socks and sneakers, instead of socks alone. And some women agreed with my original idea that; if a man wears socks in the bedroom – he isn’t serious about you.  

The overwhelming response was: he has ugly feet. This answer got me on two sides. On one side: You’re willing to have sex with me, but aren’t vulnerable enough to let me see your feet?  And two, why are your feet so jacked up in the first place? 

I find it my obligation to say this… TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN FEET!!! This goes for men and women. I recently saw a porn movie where the chick had on a tacky weave and some dingy tube socks. I was able to overlook the weave but her having on socks pissed me off on a level I didn’t understand.  

I judge men that wear dingy socks with slides. Seriously! You can’t afford a clean pair of socks? 

I judge women that wear socks with slides, period! Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on in those socks… 

I judge men and women when their feet are dry and ashy. How hard is it to lotion your damn feet? 

And, I judge women that show their toes when their polish is badly chipped. How difficult is it to buy a bottle of nail polish remover and cotton balls? 

So, seeing a woman (or a man) in a porn with socks on, pisses me the FUCK off. This is supposed to be a fantasy! There is nothing fantastic about dingy white socks. At least get some fancy socks. 

1- This should go without saying; but, wash your feet when you’re in the shower. I mean, actually take a cleaning device (rag, loofa, exfoliating gloves, etc.) to your lower body parts with soap and scrub. Because soapy water running on your legs and feet, does not make them clean.  

2- Once out of the shower, moisturize your entire body (not just the parts that people will see). This means your feet! I will not have my legs all scratched up because you don’t care to lotion your feet.  

Ceasar from Black Ink Crew posted a picture of his crusty feet on Instagram and I was disgusted. The fact that some men walk around thinking that crusty toes are acceptable- is NOT OK.  

Let me make this clear… 

It is not ok for men to have gross feet.  

It does not make a man gay, if he goes to the nail salon to get a pedicure and/or manicure.  

So, please take care of your feet and hands.  

Occasionally people, especially women, get corns and bunions, from wearing heels or ill-fitting shoes. This is common, so this is not what I’m referring to.  

I’m talking about the people that don’t pay attention to the color of their toenail changing and 3 years later the shit is either some weird yellow or green shade, black, or thicker than a notebook. Bad toes, like bad teeth don’t happen overnight. So, that means you neglected your feet for years? I have to wonder- What else on your body do you neglect? 

You should always put your best feet (and hands) forward. When I’m single, I’m still at the nail salon every 3 weeks getting my nails and feet done; I wouldn’t have it any other way. I block out the 3-4 hours it will take; I often come in with some images of what I want, and let my lady do her job. I question women that only care about their nail maintenance when they’re in a relationship. I often wonder…Do you just give up when you’re single?  

But, back on the topic of sex and socks.  

There’s nothing I love more when my guy rubs my feet. I love when he runs his hands up my calf to my feet and pushes them back and over my head. I especially love when he’s hammering away at me and he takes my toes and puts them in his mouth.  

You simply can’t do that with dingy tube socks on. NO! NO!